Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Life Lessons=Inspiration

Hold Onto the Most Important Things In Life

After an emotionally trying weekend in the saga of Ivan and Thalia, they have decided to remain friends. Not to say that this week isn't equally emotional and trying as they live with that decision and adjust. I remember those days as filled with great, repetitive hardship. I revel in the fact that I don't have to date anymore. However hard marriage is, dating is much harder than that.

Their trials, as much as I hate to see the both of them hurt, has seemed to trigger a stirring that has fueled my writing for the past few days. Aside from diving into darker emotions of all my characters, I can begin to describe important details about them. The littlest thing that passes through the everyday eye suddenly becomes more pronounced. It is like looking at them with the same eye that remembers the ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend and remembers the thing we loved about them most, the things we will remember most, the things we most likely took for granted when we were dating one another. To some extent it is very depressing to write from this viewpoint and perhaps the expectation that writing was always a happy, joyous exercise is faulty. When I write, I am not writing about Thalia or Ivan, their hardships, their recovery, or their pain. However, I am writing about something in my life that feels very similar.

Ironically, I can hear Thalia's extremely sarcastic voice saying: "Thanks I'm glad my messed up relationship with your son inspires you." To which I would reply, "Everything inspires me when I let it. It's how I survive in this world."

So Totally Ni-n-ja

The downside: We all ended up sick. Ivan ended up with the flu and I ended up with some stomach weirdness and a full afternoon and evening of sleep on Tuesday. I guess we're all better. Ivan put me in a headlock as his way of saying "Good night, Mom." This weekend he competes in state wrestling matches after winning 4th place in Regionals (by the way BKS, congratulations). We returned to our normal waking rituals of playing music loud enough to wake the dead (well, at least make dogs bark) and nearly killing each other in the bathroom. I guess it's the everyday traditions and rituals and schedules that hold us together when the times are tough. Again the everyday things that we take for granted, but really miss when they are gone. We notice them when our schedule is disrupted by travel or once-a-year meetings or once in a lifetime events (thank God I won't every have to attend another child's boring Freshman Orientation). Our schedules and rituals are like family. I never really thought of them as important because for many years I really never had a regular schedule, at least not in childhood where it was always disrupted by parents traveling or parents whisking us off to travel unexpectedly. My family had very spontaneous habits and though I hated to say good-bye to them at first, I can see that too much spontaneity or too much regular change can bite us in the ass.

Alright. It's time to go. I'll write more in a couple of days. Love Always. Peace... RK

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