I've decided NOT TO BE ADHD anymore. I'm banking that the universe will let me make that decision, after all I am an adult now and my brain and I have had a meeting of the minds. Err... So world, I am focused! And what I have realized is maintaining focus is exhausting. I can see now why people get tired by nine or ten or fall asleep in class/work (for more reasons that food coma and hangovers). Focus is sending all the energy of the brain to a single task or a set of related tasks and keeping it there. For quite some time. I'm not use to it. I'm use to hitting the point where my brain starts to feel a little fatigued (no funny jokes from the peanut gallery) and then stopping whatever I'm doing to move onto something more refreshing (Facebook...Facebook...).
Now, I'm not ADHD at everything, which makes me question whether I'm really ADHD, but humor me by assuming that I am to some degree. I bring this up because anyone who would watch me in a dance class would say, "Does that girl EVER SHUT UP AND PAY ATTENTION!!!!" versus someone who saw me in Kung Fu class who might say, "That girl is pretty quiet, probably couldn't hurt a fly." Well, they might not say the 'hurt a fly' part. Just understand that I rarely talk in Kung Fu class. Not only is Mr. Scott imposing in the way he tells some allegory making fun of wrong behavior, the rest of the class gives you this silent once over. In dance nearly all the kids are just as talkative at one time or the other and so I suck up the environment of the room. I'm like an mood sponge versus a mood ring. But I digress and probably should focus on finishing my point.
After some deliberation I decided to give this focus thing a try at last auditions. I stayed quiet. I watched the instructor intently. I only asked the most necessary questions. I made no funny wisecracks about the teacher's hair, outfit, choreography, or other things the students had done or said; or any other self-deprecated comments. And guess what? I GOT ONE OF THE LEAD ROLES!!!! However, after auditions I went home and slept for two hours and then all of Sunday and could barely stay awake Monday. I could muster only enough energy for focus on my ballet class. I watched Hip Hop class hoping to regain focus, but in the end I had to go home and go to sleep. Today. I feel great and ready to attack all my work and attend all my classes. I'm hoping that once focus becomes my new habit exhaustion decreases. Now onto Facebook.