Thursday, September 20, 2012

Did the 2012 End of the World Include a Detox?

"You are what you eat." If I had a dime for every time I heard this as a child. I would roll my eyes and go, "Yeah sure." But lately, as purge all the inner psychological "junk", I've really taken it to heart. Maybe that's why I've decided to try my first detox program.  You know, a big reboot to my system while I attempt to permanently alter my dietary lifestyle.  Food has always been a major issue in my life.  If I remotely like you, I'll offer to share my food.  If I really like you, then I won't chastise you for taking food off my plate without asking.  For years, I used to food to stifle emotional pain.  I've used it to hide my social anxieties. I've used it to prevent me from expressing my opinions.  Or I would go the other way and starve myself as a way to control my weight, and in a larger sense get a false sense of control over my life. For better or for worse, food is a way I show love to others, but rarely have I used it to show love to myself.

My desire to look like a supermodel led me to
all types of bad eating habits as a teenager.
Bad habits I still fall back on when I'm
under emotional stress.
This detox has me nervous.  I've read about different detox treatment and they all sound like Lent on steroids.  And while Lent has it's merits from a spiritual perspective, from a physical perspective I'm not all that sure my body loved me any more than when I started.  Something about fasting brings back teenage memories of starving myself because I hated my body type. My mind might understand the intention of Lent, but my body flashbacks to all the negative-speak, insecurity, and desire to look like Kate Moss. I fear my body won't understand the intention of this upcoming detox.  I'm 37 years-old. Statistically, at 137 pounds, I already weigh less than the average American teenager. Besides this detox isn't about loosing weight, it's about flushing out the old ways to make room for the new.

Thankfully, I'm going into this with a professional.  Otherwise, who knows what kind of foolishness I might end up in. In four classes, spread out over three weeks, we are going to assess our detox needs, formulate a plan, and take the dive. I've already warned people I interact with everyday. I know from participating in Lent that a less-food Rachael is an irritable Rachael.  In preparation I've already given up caffeine and tried my darnedest to reduce sugar in my diet.  I've eaten more fruits and vegetables and started praying.  I'm a girl who likes progress, but hates change.  And knowing that much of the changes I make are permanent triggers my inner commitaphobe.  Changing my relationship with food is harder than making changes with my spouse.

Perhaps it's fitting that I've decided to undertake this detox in the same year that the Mayan calendar ends.  My ancestors predicted great change would happen in 2012 and for me there couldn't be a greater change than this.  I hope I survive.

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