KVAP Conversation of the Week: Women and Happiness, Men and $$$
"If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning." ~Aristotle Onassis
not looking for flowers, rings, or promises of eternal happiness," a
friend of mine said on our way to lunch. "I don't need to be married or
even for us to have a serious relationship. All I want is for him to
turn to me once in a while and say, 'Hey, I like you.'"
listened with sympathy as my friend vented about a guy who gave her
mixed messages about the state of their relationship. I've been married
for almost 14 years and never did well in the dating scene. Though I
have tons of male friends, boyfriends were just a hot bed of
confusion. Like my friend, I never understood what was going on, where I
stood, or where 'we' were going. As a woman who likes direct
communication, dating seemed to have everything but that directness.
Even now, I find myself reading between the lines of my husband's
statements, which are fairly direct. Yet, the first part of what my
friend said really stuck with me. She had listed all the things she
didn't need for a successful relationship. All the things that men are
frequently taught as part of the dating ritual. All the things that
cost $$$. All the things that make men make wisecracks about the
spending habits of women. Her checklist seemed pretty defined and,
depending on the woman, could rack up the price tag. I began to wonder if
the men I dated, or even if my husband, believed I wanted flowers,
rings, or promises of eternal happiness? I like flowers in the
summertime. I have a large collection of rings given to me by friends,
parents, and my husband. And promises of eternal happiness? Well, I
would be naive to believe in fairy tales.
I examined the next part of her statement. She openly admitted that she liked this guy, but wasn't ready to settle down. It didn't
mean she didn't want to stop trying to get to know him. It mean that she
was okay with keeping things light. Again, my mind thought about this
in terms of $$$ and men. No serious relationship no serious investment
of $$$. And, of course, as a married woman $$$$$$$$ sometimes make
or break a marriage, depending on on the viewpoints and values of the
couple. Tons of people have gotten married because of $$$, just as many
have gotten a divorce over it too. And then it came to the last part of her statement, where she identified the one thing she wanted. All I want is for him to turn to me once in a while and say, 'Hey, I like you.' I
remember smiling when she said it because it seemed so simple. I could
relate to just wanting to hear a little affirmation, a little
appreciation, and little incentive to continue to play 'the game'
regardless of the outcome. It was a statement that took no $$$, but a
lot of courage. And sadly, I could never imagine the man she spoke
about saying those four words to her, even if that's what he truly felt
Never in my life could I
imagine that satisfaction could be attained through such little cost
(with the exception of a little male pride). Yet, here my friend was
telling me that she would willingly continue to play 'the game,' and
endure his hot and cold moods if he would just communicate a
small, innocent truth about the way he felt towards her. I wondered how
many men were clueless about what something like my friend, hell even
me, needed. Not flowers, not rings, but a little emotional honesty.
Maybe the Beatles were right. Maybe 'You Can't Buy Me Love.'